Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
