bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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