if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
well I can't set my house on fire every night
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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