i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
