If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
This house was built for laser tag.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
