I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
