Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
