even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
