you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
