I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
false alarm, still single
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
