Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
