TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
