margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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