My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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