Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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