I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
