Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
