Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
