I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
