I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
