That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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