So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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