duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
