I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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