She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
