You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
