Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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