I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
