Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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