So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
