just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
