she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
