We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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