you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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