Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
