he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she told me i tasted like america
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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