My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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