hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
