ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
