Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
