My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
