another moral hangover. fuck.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize