How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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