hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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