I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
