There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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