I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
