That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Randomize
