How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
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