I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
