Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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