The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
