Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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