i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
