there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
