Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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