You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
