I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
