Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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