that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
