the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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