I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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