I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
