why do cheetos always look like penises
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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