he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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